PUBLIC SPEAKING WORKSHOP

From small talk to public speaking, and all points in between

DAY ONE

Give me a word to finish this sentence.

(Effective communication is …) key, critical, important but hard and difficult. Is it? I don’t know. Let’s wait and see what you have to say at the end of today’s lesson.

Did you ever fail in an interview? You know what? It’s okay. It’s okay to fail. We all fail at some point. What’s important is: if we don’t get the job, we should at least get the experience, the valuable experience we can use to do better in the next interview.

(Write on the whiteboard) Remember:

            Experience is what we got when we didn’t get what we wanted.

(Why do we fail in interviews?) Most people say, well, I wish I knew. ‘Cause they didn’t tell me. Canadians are nice. They never tell you. They never tell you the truth. They don’t want to make you feel bad. So I can only guess:

They didn’t like me.

I was boring.

I wasn’t prepared.

I didn’t do enough research.

Let’s say you were prepared, did enough research, but still failed. Why? What could be the possible reason?

Because we gave interviewer only facts. What are facts? This Powerpoint and all the bullet points are facts. Numbers, tables, charts are facts. What’s wrong with giving people facts? Facts are cold. Facts are boring. Facts are not sexy. Facts don’t speak for themselves. Facts can’t be remembered. Giving people facts is a waste of time.

Because we could only think logically. That’s how we were trained in school, right? To think logically. Do you know how most people prepare for their interviews? [Writing on whiteboard] Yeah! We use an outline. My achievements? A-B-C; my qualifications? 1-2-3. It’s like a skeleton without flesh and blood. On my way to interview, I think: “[Marching …] I have my A-B-C, I have my 1-2-3. [Marching back…] I have my outline. With my outline, I’ll just go there … and improvise (即兴发挥，凑合).” Did you ever improvise? Did you improvise well? I don’t know about you, but I can’t even think under stress. It’s a high skill to think on your feet and improvise and most people don’t have it. You need a strategy. Hit or miss (撞运) is not a strategy.

Because we talked only to rational left brain. But people are not rational. People are emotional and their decisions are driven by emotions.

(Two Brains) We have two brains: left and right. As you can tell, they’re very different, almost the opposite: one’s grey and the other one’s colorful; one’s work and the other one’s play; one’s boring and the other one’s fun and interesting. Left brain is closed, cautious, and stubborn; right brain is open, receptive, and emotional. But these are not the most important. The most important thing is: right brain is the department that makes the decision.

What’s wrong with giving people facts?

(Giving Facts) Here’s a true story. October last year, I went on a day trip with two friends to see some fall color. On the way to the North, they started to argue … about religion. You have to understand these two friends of mine, because one of them is Christian and the other one has no religion but (this is an important but) he’s got a PhD majored in religion. What does it mean? It means the second guy knows a lot about something he doesn’t believe. Can you imagine that debate? That was the worst debate I have ever seen in my lifetime. I kid you not, by the time they came back, they were enemies, they stopped talking to each other. What I learned from this experience is people are amazingly stubborn. You can’t tell people what to think and how to feel, can you? No you can’t. Because people want to think and feel for themselves. As I speak to your left brain and try to convince you with my facts and statistics, you argue with me in your left brain with your own facts and statistics. There is no winner in this kind of debate.

(Telling Stories) So you can’t tell people what to think and how to feel. What you can do, though, is you can cause emotions in people and emotions will make people think and feel the way you want them to think and feel. As I speak to your right brain, you hear me and you see me – the words and gestures, the sounds and images, the vibrations and movements – they touch your five senses – hearing, sight, smell, taste, touch – they touch your five senses and create emotions inside of you. And emotions make you want to laugh, cry, dream, hope, or give money to strangers.

Today we are going to learn the biggest secret of true influence (Theme: Make A Point, Tell A Story) Remember: speaking is very simple: make a point, tell a story. Make another point, tell another story. Make yet another point, tell yet another story. People don’t remember your points. But they always remember your stories. Guess what, if they remember the stories, they get … the points.

This is a make-up lesson that you have missed in under the Chinese Educational System:

            (Reading People) How to read people in 60 seconds? What are you, Eric, a psychic? You’re only two meters away from me but I don’t know you and I don’t know what you are thinking. I look at you and I wonder: what is going on in that little brain of yours, what are you thinking, what do you need, what do you want, what worries you, and what makes you happy? If I know what you want, it’s going to be easy, because I know what to say to satisfy you. But if I don’t know what you want, it’s going to be a challenge because I don’t know what to say.

            (Speak to Satisfy) The hiring manager doesn’t expect perfection; he expects … personality. He’s not looking for the best candidate. He’s looking for the right candidate. When you’re dating, you’re not looking for Mr. Best, you’re looking for … Mr. Right.

(Interview) Let’s look at the beginning of an interview: you met the hiring manager at the door. You shook his hands. He asked how are you? You said fine. You sat down. Then he shot the first question at you: “Tell me about yourself.” Cut! Cut! Cut! That’s what he said. You need to know what he wanted to say but didn’t say: “I have a zillion things to do today, I have extremely short attention span, I have no patience, now, try me.”

Cut! Cut! Cut! Let’s take a step back. Of 30 resumes you sent, only one got you an interview. You can’t afford blowing it. You’ve got only one chance, one shot. You either get him or lose him, and you lose him for good. If your message isn’t simple, direct, easily understood by a listener in a hurry, then you are failing as a speaker. Now you’re scratching your head and pulling your hair: “What should I do? What should I do?”

What should you do?

(You should tell him stories) You don’t have a lot of time in an interview, 30 minutes to an hour? The best you can do is to tell him stories that create an experience of you in his mind. Hearing your stories is as close as he can get to first-handedly experience you and your success. Mr. Hiring manager, step in my shoes. I’ll take you for a ride. I’ll tell you stories about me. You can experience me and my success in your imagination. Never underestimate people’s imagination.

(Do you feel nervous in an interview?) Why do you feel nervous in an interview? 1) Because you want the job too much. Remember: interview is not a test. It’s an opportunity to make friends and explore the possibility of you and him working together in this fine organization. It’s the beginning of a new relationship. It’s exciting. 2) Because you think he has power over you. This isn’t always the case. Remember: you have power over him. Many organizations are struggling with finding the right candidates who can communicate, work in teams, and think creatively.

(7 stories) I can tell who’s left-brained and who’s right-brained. When I flash out this slide, you go? Why 7? You focus on 7 rather than story, you’re left-brained. You’re very analytical and you’re very skeptical. Why 7? Well, because 8 are too many and 6 are too few. 7 is just right. I care. I add value. I’m capable. I’m interesting. I make things happen. I’m successful (I’ve brought evidence). I deliver pizza. I’m sorry I deliver value, quality, results, and benefits.

(Make a point, tell a story)

Point: “I care” What’s the first mistake we make at the beginning of an interview? The first mistake is right away we start telling people how great we are and how much we know. Remember: people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. More than anything, they want to find out if you’re serious about this relationship. Who said a job interview is like dating? The only difference is in a job interview, you don’t end up naked. Why do you want to get married? Emm, because I’m 38 and still single. Why do you come to this interview? Because I need a job, I’ve come to Canada two years now and still don’t have a job. No. Desperation doesn’t help you. People will go: oh, that’s too bad, but they will not give you a job because of that. What’s the right attitude? I want to get married because I love you and I care about you. Out of 10 candidates, it’s not too hard to tell who’s in love. Like marriage, it’s a commitment. I don’t want to hire you if I’m not convinced you care about this job. I don’t want you if you think you are too good for me. (Before an interview) – Was this place easy to find? – Yes. I actually came here yesterday to make sure I don’t get lost today and show up on time.

Exercise: Be creative

I like your tie. – Isn’t it nice? I bought it 2 days ago for this interview. I know package is important, but it’s the content that really matters.

Point: “I’m capable” (putting words into other people’s mouth) Once my VP introduced me to a client: Eric is our reporting analyst and he provides visibility to the entire department. Eric is the department. If he goes on vacation for a week we will all be blind for a week. Remember: people have short memories. You gotta make it hard for them to forget you. Eric is the department, four words, very hard to forget.

Point: My “weakness” (sometimes disadvantage can be an advantage) When I was a little boy, my work at school was neat and tidy and often used by the teacher for demonstration. And I’ve formed this habit: if I made one small mistake, I didn’t just cross it out, I ripped the whole page and did it all over again. I am a perfectionist and that is my weakness as I tend to spend more time than other people doing this amount of work. (Manager of accounting department) Hmm, that to me sounds like a strength.

Point: “I’m easy to work with” (Employer: Did you ever have a difficult boss?) It depends on how you define “difficult”. There is no such person as a perfect boss. I’ve had many bosses. They are all different and everyone has something I can learn from. I’ve learned to adapt to their management styles and achieve seamless cooperation.

(Who are you and why are you here?) I’m a consultant. Do you know what a consultant does? As a consultant I am supposed to make things happen when I’m not in charge ... often through influence rather than authority. When Scotiabank Mexico reported high losses in 2008, my VP said: “We gotta send someone down to help our Mexican friends control their losses, you know, someone who speaks Spanish.” So he sent me. So there I was at 8:30 am, October 20, 2008 in a big conference room in downtown Mexico City. I was standing in front of a crowd, about 25 to 30 people, middle-to-senior management team. You know, I was 40 years old but I looked only 14. And I didn’t speak Spanish and had to rely on an interpreter. I could tell by crossed arms and cynical looks that I was being tested. People were simply saying: who is this guy coming all the way from Toronto and trying to tell us how to run our business? I looked around and decided to tell them a … story. I said: “My first job in Canada was a business analyst at CIBC National Collections. Do you know what collection is? When people borrow money from the bank and can’t pay it back, we collect黄世仁向杨百老催债，天经地义. I was hired because of my technical background and I didn’t know a thing about collection. So unlike my peers, I spent most of my time with collections call center trying to learn the business. That’s where I met Leila, a senior collector. As you can imagine collection is a tough job. That conversation is not gonna be easy or pleasant because you get yourself involved in people’s lives in the worst circumstance. Many collectors are young, summer students. I’ve seen them smashing the phone, losing temper, yelling and screaming, too much stress and pressure. Most collectors quit within a year. But Leila had worked there for 30 years and she loved her job. She told me what she did was helping financially stressed people get back on track. She said: ‘People are not all evil. Most people are willing to pay but are temporarily constrained. If you can work out a payment arrangement for them – consolidate their loans, lower the interest rate, extend the term, reduce monthly payment, just make it easier for them – they will appreciate your gesture and cooperate. As their financial condition improves they will eventually pay it off – it’s like a cancer being removed. Nothing builds a stronger customer relationship than helping them go through a difficult time.’ I was inspired by Leila and she became my mentor and my trainer. Whenever my calendar wasn’t full I would go down to their floor, walk over her desk, grab a headset, sit down, and listen to her phone calls. When she got a moment I would ask her: ‘What bugs you? What gets in your way of doing the best job possible? What’s new? What’s next? What’s better?’ Doing so I collected stories and anecdotes. I learnt the business first hand.” As I talked I saw our Mexican friends become relaxed and start to nod their heads and smile at me. I knew I got them on my side. The rest of the day was an easy sale of my suggestions and recommendations. During the break, the interpreter took me aside. He said: “Señor Eric, congratulations!” I said: “On what?” He said: “Don’t you see how excited they are? Their eyes are sparkling and cheeks are rosy. I can tell in the back of their minds they are saying: ‘For 10 years we have received so many people from the Head Office and today we see someone who can truly add value to our business.’” You see, with the help of a story, I can build my credibility in a very short time. The Mexicans were saying: “If he’s humble enough to learn from a collector, He’s one of us. He must know a few things about our business.” That’s what I made them think. I found a way to connect with them. We clicked.

(Why don’t we tell stories?)

·        No time. Your life is so fast-paced that you don’t have time to tell stories? Stories can be told in less than one minute. Stories can be one sentence long. When you see a manager treat her employee very bad can you tell her in her face “Stop treating your employee like dirt”? No, you can’t. We’re mature adults. There’s gotta be a better way to send that message, like you can tell her a story, “I was in Washington, D.C. last week, I had this Indian cab driver who shared with me the favorite story of his grandfather, you know, just make it up, “The man who beats his horse will soon be walking.”

·        My story isn’t good enough. Well, come to my class and get good.

·        I don’t think I have a story.

(Matthew) You think you don’t have stories. Of course you do. They don’t have to be big. They don’t have to be life changing. They don’t have to be all inspiring. They can just be simple, little life moments. My friend David has a 4-year-old son, his name is Matthew. Matthew has learned how to spell his name as a result of computer games. You know they always require him to log in. As he logs in he asks David to do it for him. After a few times David said no, if you want to play the game you have to learn how to spell your name. So Matthew has learned how to spell “Matthew” by punching the keyboard. One day he was away from the keyboard and David asked him to spell his name. He said M-A-T-T-H-E-W, enter. How many of you have had something just as good as that? Are you using it? If not, it’s wasted. David heard it, he laughed, he wrote it down. Just to give you an idea of its power, David was fortunate enough to speak for Volvo in Sweden for 3 years in a row. The 2nd year he was there, he had that story. He thought I’ll try it. He tried it, people laughed, they loved it. The 3rd year he went back. Before he started the presentation, a man walked up to him, shook his hand and said: enter. And that’s proof to you that if a little story like this is remembered a year later halfway around the world in a different country, in a different culture, it has power. It’s not a powerful story, but the example is powerful.

(Jenny) (Does Jesus have power?) Does Jesus have power, Mommy? Yes. More than electric company? (What’s important to a lady?) Jenny, don’t scratch yourself. You know skin is very important to a lady. No Mommy! Family is important to a lady. What a nice comeback! The relationship between Grace and Jenny wasn’t all sweet. Once they got into a big fight about Jenny going to bed too late. Jenny was crying: “You’re a bad mama. I won’t let you come to my dream tonight.” I can spend hours telling you Jenny stories. Jenny knows that I am using her stories in this class. After three years, she starts to ask me: “Am I famous now, Daddy?” “Yes, can I have your autograph, please?”

(First Goal) This is my son, his name is Tianyao. Tianyao started figure skating when he was 6. 6 months later he told me: “Dad. I don’t like figure skating.” I knew why. In his class there were 20 girls, only 2 boys. And the majority always poked fun at the minority. So I said, “You don’t like figure skating, huh? That’s ok. Just don’t go.” But he continued: “Dad. I want to play hockey.” I was like: “Hockey? You?” At the time I only knew hockey was a rough game and Tianyao was never an aggressive kid. But I was open-mined and agreed to let him try it. So Tianyao joined a team called Casa Italia意大利之家. You know we live in Woodbridge so everything is a little Italian. So I became a hockey Daddy. As a hockey Daddy I have observed the progress of all other boys except my own. Compared to them, Tianyao was really slow picking up skills. Casa Italia has had two traditions. The first tradition was before the boys went on the ice, the coach would ask them: “Team, why are we here today?” The team would answer: “Have fun!” The coach would pretend that he couldn’t hear them, “What did you say? I can’t hear you?” “HAVE FUN!” They were so loud that you could hear them from the hallway. The coach said, “Yes, boys, remember this game is not so much about winning or losing as about having fun. So let’s go and have some fun!” The second tradition was whenever a boy scored his first goal the coach would give him the puck he used after the game. Every time when the coach gave the puck to a boy, Tianyao watched him quietly. I could tell how badly he wanted that puck. So Tianyao played hockey for 2 years and became the only boy who had not scored a goal. Before the winter ended Casa Italia as a team actually won the championship. So we went to this big banquet and everybody in his team got a trophy. When I drove Tianyao home he sat quietly at the back seat holding the trophy. At a red light I stopped, I turned, and I looked at him. My boy was holding back his tears. Seeing that broke my heart. There was one point I almost wanted him to quit ... But thank God I didn’t. Fast forward to June 9, 2008. Casa Italia was back on the ice playing a team with average age a year older than them. 20 minutes into the game, Grace: “Eric, I have the feeling that your son is going to score tonight.” I said: “No way. Miracle hasn’t happened for two years. I don’t see why it’s gonna happen tonight?” But hold on for a second. I did notice something different. My boy was moving a lot faster back and forth, back and forth. His teammates must have felt the difference and started to pass him the puck, one after another. Once he got the puck and escaped the defense. I heard the parents scream: “Skate! Skate! Skate!” He made his way near the net. He shot … [pause] oh, he missed it. I heard the coach say: “Way to go! Tianyao, Keep trying!” Five minutes later, there was another pass. Tianyao got the puck and leaped forward. He was shifting his stick quickly from side to side. I tell you I couldn’t take my eyes off my boy. As he went near the net he smacked the puck ... [long pause] I wish I could tell you that the puck went straight in, but it didn’t. The puck hit the goalie, bounced a bit, then WENT IN! I heard the noise and my heart stopped … The game ended 30 minutes later. Casa Italia actually lost the game. But the red-cheeked boys were not at all disappointed. Back in the dressing room they were giving Tianyao high-five’s. The parents were giving him pats on the back. The coach held THIS puck and walked to him: “Tianyao, what you did tonight was fantastic! I want you to know that we are all very proud of you. Please keep this puck and remember your first goal.” And my boy was standing there smiling from ear to ear. That reminded me of all the early mornings and late nights in two years when I drove him to and from the ice rink. He was that boy sitting quietly at the back seat – knowing what he wants, trying what he can, never feeling bad about himself. I can buy a dozen pucks from Canadian Tire but it’s THIS puck that’s most valuable to him. I must tell you kid’s hockey is the coolest game on earth and a real treat to watch. I certainly learned something from my little boy, that is, if I want something badly enough I will get it. All I need to do is keep trying and be patient, then the time will come.

            (Effective communication is possible) I’m not an optimist. I’m not a pessimist. I’m a possibist. I think it’s possible. Impossible, to me, means I’m possible.

           

            (Trouble with English words) Chinese mix up certain English words: like mushroom and bathroom, kitchen and chicken, cucumber and computer, tomato and potato, soap and soup.