PUBLIC SPEAKING WORKSHOP

From small talk to public speaking, and all points in between

DAY ONE

Give me a word to finish this sentence.

(Effective communication is …) key, critical, important but hard and difficult. Is it? I don’t know. Let’s wait and see what you have to say at the end of today’s lesson.

Did you ever fail in an interview? You know what? It’s okay. It’s okay to fail. We all fail at some point. What’s important is: if we don’t get the job, we should at least get the experience, the valuable experience we can use to do better in the next interview.

(Write on the whiteboard) Remember:

            Experience is what we got when we didn’t get what we wanted.

(Why do we fail in interviews?) Most people say, well, I wish I knew. ‘Cause they didn’t tell me. Canadians are nice. They never tell you. They never tell you the truth. They don’t want to make you feel bad. So I can only guess:

They didn’t like me.

I was boring.

I wasn’t prepared.

I didn’t do enough research.

Let’s say you were prepared, did enough research, but still failed. Why? What could be the possible reason?

Because we gave interviewer only facts. What are facts? This Powerpoint and all the bullet points are facts. Numbers, tables, charts are facts. What’s wrong with giving people facts? Facts are cold. Facts are boring. Facts are not sexy. Facts don’t speak for themselves. Facts can’t be remembered. Giving people facts is a waste of time.

Because we could only think logically. That’s how we were trained in school, right? To think logically. Do you know how most people prepare for their interviews? [Writing on whiteboard] Yeah! We use an outline. My achievements? A-B-C; my qualifications? 1-2-3. It’s like a skeleton without flesh and blood. On my way to interview, I think: “[Marching …] I have my A-B-C, I have my 1-2-3. [Marching back…] I have my outline. With my outline, I’ll just go there … and improvise (即兴发挥，凑合).” Did you ever improvise? Did you improvise well? I don’t know about you, but I can’t even think under stress. It’s a high skill to think on your feet and improvise and most people don’t have it. You need a strategy. Hit or miss (撞运) is not a strategy.

Because we talked only to rational left brain. But people are not rational. People are emotional and their decisions are driven by emotions.

(Two Brains) We have two brains: left and right. As you can tell, they’re very different, almost the opposite: one’s grey and the other one’s colorful; one’s work and the other one’s play; one’s boring and the other one’s fun and interesting. Left brain is closed, cautious, and stubborn; right brain is open, receptive, and emotional. But these are not the most important. The most important thing is: right brain is the department that makes the decision.

What’s wrong with giving people facts?

(Giving Facts) Here’s a true story. October last year, I went on a day trip with two friends to see some fall color. On the way to the North, they started to argue … about religion. You have to understand these two friends of mine, because one of them is Christian and the other one has no religion but (this is an important but) he’s got a PhD majored in religion. What does it mean? It means the second guy knows a lot about something he doesn’t believe. Can you imagine that debate? That was the worst debate I have ever seen in my lifetime. I kid you not, by the time they came back, they were enemies, they stopped talking to each other. What I learned from this experience is people are amazingly stubborn. You can’t tell people what to think and how to feel, can you? No you can’t. Because people want to think and feel for themselves. As I speak to your left brain and try to convince you with my facts and statistics, you argue with me in your left brain with your own facts and statistics. There is no winner in this kind of debate.

(Telling Stories) So you can’t tell people what to think and how to feel. What you can do, though, is you can cause emotions in people and emotions will make people think and feel the way you want them to think and feel. As I speak to your right brain, you hear me and you see me – the words and gestures, the sounds and images, the vibrations and movements – they touch your five senses – hearing, sight, smell, taste, touch – they touch your five senses and create emotions inside of you. And emotions make you want to laugh, cry, dream, hope, or give money to strangers.

Today we are going to learn the biggest secret of true influence (Theme: Make A Point, Tell A Story) Remember: speaking is very simple: make a point, tell a story. Make another point, tell another story. Make yet another point, tell yet another story. People don’t remember your points. But they always remember your stories. Guess what, if they remember the stories, they get … the points.

This is a make-up lesson that you have missed in under the Chinese Educational System:

            (Reading People) How to read people in 60 seconds? What are you, Eric, a psychic? You’re only two meters away from me but I don’t know you and I don’t know what you are thinking. I look at you and I wonder: what is going on in that little brain of yours, what are you thinking, what do you need, what do you want, what worries you, and what makes you happy? If I know what you want, it’s going to be easy, because I know what to say to satisfy you. But if I don’t know what you want, it’s going to be a challenge because I don’t know what to say.

            (Speak to Satisfy) The hiring manager doesn’t expect perfection; he expects … personality. He’s not looking for the best candidate. He’s looking for the right candidate. When you’re dating, you’re not looking for Mr. Best, you’re looking for … Mr. Right.

(Interview) Let’s look at the beginning of an interview: you met the hiring manager at the door. You shook his hands. He asked how are you? You said fine. You sat down. Then he shot the first question at you: “Tell me about yourself.” Cut! Cut! Cut! That’s what he said. You need to know what he wanted to say but didn’t say: “I have a zillion things to do today, I have extremely short attention span, I have no patience, now, try me.”

Cut! Cut! Cut! Let’s take a step back. Of 30 resumes you sent, only one got you an interview. You can’t afford blowing it. You’ve got only one chance, one shot. You either get him or lose him, and you lose him for good. If your message isn’t simple, direct, easily understood by a listener in a hurry, then you are failing as a speaker. Now you’re scratching your head and pulling your hair: “What should I do? What should I do?”

What should you do?

(You should tell him stories) You don’t have a lot of time in an interview, 30 minutes to an hour? The best you can do is to tell him stories that create an experience of you in his mind. Hearing your stories is as close as he can get to first-handedly experience you and your success. Mr. Hiring manager, step in my shoes. I’ll take you for a ride. I’ll tell you stories about me. You can experience me and my success in your imagination. Never underestimate people’s imagination.

(Do you feel nervous in an interview?) Why do you feel nervous in an interview? 1) Because you want the job too much. Remember: interview is not a test. It’s an opportunity to make friends and explore the possibility of you and him working together in this fine organization. It’s the beginning of a new relationship. It’s exciting. 2) Because you think he has power over you. This isn’t always the case. Remember: you have power over him. Many organizations are struggling with finding the right candidates who can communicate, work in teams, and think creatively.

(7 stories) I can tell who’s left-brained and who’s right-brained. When I flash out this slide, you go? Why 7? You focus on 7 rather than story, you’re left-brained. You’re very analytical and you’re very skeptical. Why 7? Well, because 8 are too many and 6 are too few. 7 is just right. I care. I add value. I’m capable. I’m interesting. I make things happen. I’m successful (I’ve brought evidence). I deliver pizza. I’m sorry I deliver value, quality, results, and benefits.

(Make a point, tell a story)

Point: “I care” What’s the first mistake we make at the beginning of an interview? The first mistake is right away we start telling people how great we are and how much we know. Remember: people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. More than anything, they want to find out if you’re serious about this relationship. Who said a job interview is like dating? The only difference is in a job interview, you don’t end up naked. Why do you want to get married? Emm, because I’m 38 and still single. Why do you come to this interview? Because I need a job, I’ve come to Canada two years now and still don’t have a job. No. Desperation doesn’t help you. People will go: oh, that’s too bad, but they will not give you a job because of that. What’s the right attitude? I want to get married because I love you and I care about you. Out of 10 candidates, it’s not too hard to tell who’s in love. Like marriage, it’s a commitment. I don’t want to hire you if I’m not convinced you care about this job. I don’t want you if you think you are too good for me. (Before an interview) – Was this place easy to find? – Yes. I actually came here yesterday to make sure I don’t get lost today and show up on time.

Exercise: Be creative

I like your tie. – Isn’t it nice? I bought it 2 days ago for this interview. I know package is important, but it’s the content that really matters.

Point: “I’m capable” (putting words into other people’s mouth) Once my VP introduced me to a client: Eric is our reporting analyst and he provides visibility to the entire department. Eric is the department. If he goes on vacation for a week we will all be blind for a week. Remember: people have short memories. You gotta make it hard for them to forget you. Eric is the department, four words, very hard to forget.

Point: My “weakness” (sometimes disadvantage can be an advantage) When I was a little boy, my work at school was neat and tidy and often used by the teacher for demonstration. And I’ve formed this habit: if I made one small mistake, I didn’t just cross it out, I ripped the whole page and did it all over again. I am a perfectionist and that is my weakness as I tend to spend more time than other people doing this amount of work. (Manager of accounting department) Hmm, that to me sounds like a strength.

Point: “I’m easy to work with” (Employer: Did you ever have a difficult boss?) It depends on how you define “difficult”. There is no such person as a perfect boss. I’ve had many bosses. They are all different and everyone has something I can learn from. I’ve learned to adapt to their management styles and achieve seamless cooperation.

(Who are you and why are you here?) I’m a consultant. Do you know what a consultant does? As a consultant I am supposed to make things happen when I’m not in charge ... often through influence rather than authority. When Scotiabank Mexico reported high losses in 2008, my VP said: “We gotta send someone down to help our Mexican friends control their losses, you know, someone who speaks Spanish.” So he sent me. So there I was at 8:30 am, October 20, 2008 in a big conference room in downtown Mexico City. I was standing in front of a crowd, about 25 to 30 people, middle-to-senior management team. You know, I was 40 years old but I looked only 14. And I didn’t speak Spanish and had to rely on an interpreter. I could tell by crossed arms and cynical looks that I was being tested. People were simply saying: who is this guy coming all the way from Toronto and trying to tell us how to run our business? I looked around and decided to tell them a … story. I said: “My first job in Canada was a business analyst at CIBC National Collections. Do you know what collection is? When people borrow money from the bank and can’t pay it back, we collect黄世仁向杨百老催债，天经地义. I was hired because of my technical background and I didn’t know a thing about collection. So unlike my peers, I spent most of my time with collections call center trying to learn the business. That’s where I met Leila, a senior collector. As you can imagine collection is a tough job. That conversation is not gonna be easy or pleasant because you get yourself involved in people’s lives in the worst circumstance. Many collectors are young, summer students. I’ve seen them smashing the phone, losing temper, yelling and screaming, too much stress and pressure. Most collectors quit within a year. But Leila had worked there for 30 years and she loved her job. She told me what she did was helping financially stressed people get back on track. She said: ‘People are not all evil. Most people are willing to pay but are temporarily constrained. If you can work out a payment arrangement for them – consolidate their loans, lower the interest rate, extend the term, reduce monthly payment, just make it easier for them – they will appreciate your gesture and cooperate. As their financial condition improves they will eventually pay it off – it’s like a cancer being removed. Nothing builds a stronger customer relationship than helping them go through a difficult time.’ I was inspired by Leila and she became my mentor and my trainer. Whenever my calendar wasn’t full I would go down to their floor, walk over her desk, grab a headset, sit down, and listen to her phone calls. When she got a moment I would ask her: ‘What bugs you? What gets in your way of doing the best job possible? What’s new? What’s next? What’s better?’ Doing so I collected stories and anecdotes. I learnt the business first hand.” As I talked I saw our Mexican friends become relaxed and start to nod their heads and smile at me. I knew I got them on my side. The rest of the day was an easy sale of my suggestions and recommendations. During the break, the interpreter took me aside. He said: “Señor Eric, congratulations!” I said: “On what?” He said: “Don’t you see how excited they are? Their eyes are sparkling and cheeks are rosy. I can tell in the back of their minds they are saying: ‘For 10 years we have received so many people from the Head Office and today we see someone who can truly add value to our business.’” You see, with the help of a story, I can build my credibility in a very short time. The Mexicans were saying: “If he’s humble enough to learn from a collector, He’s one of us. He must know a few things about our business.” That’s what I made them think. I found a way to connect with them. We clicked.

(Why don’t we tell stories?)

·        No time. Your life is so fast-paced that you don’t have time to tell stories? Stories can be told in less than one minute. Stories can be one sentence long. When you see a manager treat her employee very bad can you tell her in her face “Stop treating your employee like dirt”? No, you can’t. We’re mature adults. There’s gotta be a better way to send that message, like you can tell her a story, “I was in Washington, D.C. last week, I had this Indian cab driver who shared with me the favorite story of his grandfather, you know, just make it up, “The man who beats his horse will soon be walking.”

·        My story isn’t good enough. Well, come to my class and get good.

·        I don’t think I have a story.

(Matthew) You think you don’t have stories. Of course you do. They don’t have to be big. They don’t have to be life changing. They don’t have to be all inspiring. They can just be simple, little life moments. My friend David has a 4-year-old son, his name is Matthew. Matthew has learned how to spell his name as a result of computer games. You know they always require him to log in. As he logs in he asks David to do it for him. After a few times David said no, if you want to play the game you have to learn how to spell your name. So Matthew has learned how to spell “Matthew” by punching the keyboard. One day he was away from the keyboard and David asked him to spell his name. He said M-A-T-T-H-E-W, enter. How many of you have had something just as good as that? Are you using it? If not, it’s wasted. David heard it, he laughed, he wrote it down. Just to give you an idea of its power, David was fortunate enough to speak for Volvo in Sweden for 3 years in a row. The 2nd year he was there, he had that story. He thought I’ll try it. He tried it, people laughed, they loved it. The 3rd year he went back. Before he started the presentation, a man walked up to him, shook his hand and said: enter. And that’s proof to you that if a little story like this is remembered a year later halfway around the world in a different country, in a different culture, it has power. It’s not a powerful story, but the example is powerful.

(Jenny) (Does Jesus have power?) Does Jesus have power, Mommy? Yes. More than electric company? (What’s important to a lady?) Jenny, don’t scratch yourself. You know skin is very important to a lady. No Mommy! Family is important to a lady. What a nice comeback! The relationship between Grace and Jenny wasn’t all sweet. Once they got into a big fight about Jenny going to bed too late. Jenny was crying: “You’re a bad mama. I won’t let you come to my dream tonight.” I can spend hours telling you Jenny stories. Jenny knows that I am using her stories in this class. After three years, she starts to ask me: “Am I famous now, Daddy?” “Yes, can I have your autograph, please?”

(First Goal) This is my son, his name is Tianyao. Tianyao started figure skating when he was 6. 6 months later he told me: “Dad. I don’t like figure skating.” I knew why. In his class there were 20 girls, only 2 boys. And the majority always poked fun at the minority. So I said, “You don’t like figure skating, huh? That’s ok. Just don’t go.” But he continued: “Dad. I want to play hockey.” I was like: “Hockey? You?” At the time I only knew hockey was a rough game and Tianyao was never an aggressive kid. But I was open-mined and agreed to let him try it. So Tianyao joined a team called Casa Italia意大利之家. You know we live in Woodbridge so everything is a little Italian. So I became a hockey Daddy. As a hockey Daddy I have observed the progress of all other boys except my own. Compared to them, Tianyao was really slow picking up skills. Casa Italia has had two traditions. The first tradition was before the boys went on the ice, the coach would ask them: “Team, why are we here today?” The team would answer: “Have fun!” The coach would pretend that he couldn’t hear them, “What did you say? I can’t hear you?” “HAVE FUN!” They were so loud that you could hear them from the hallway. The coach said, “Yes, boys, remember this game is not so much about winning or losing as about having fun. So let’s go and have some fun!” The second tradition was whenever a boy scored his first goal the coach would give him the puck he used after the game. Every time when the coach gave the puck to a boy, Tianyao watched him quietly. I could tell how badly he wanted that puck. So Tianyao played hockey for 2 years and became the only boy who had not scored a goal. Before the winter ended Casa Italia as a team actually won the championship. So we went to this big banquet and everybody in his team got a trophy. When I drove Tianyao home he sat quietly at the back seat holding the trophy. At a red light I stopped, I turned, and I looked at him. My boy was holding back his tears. Seeing that broke my heart. There was one point I almost wanted him to quit ... But thank God I didn’t. Fast forward to June 9, 2008. Casa Italia was back on the ice playing a team with average age a year older than them. 20 minutes into the game, Grace: “Eric, I have the feeling that your son is going to score tonight.” I said: “No way. Miracle hasn’t happened for two years. I don’t see why it’s gonna happen tonight?” But hold on for a second. I did notice something different. My boy was moving a lot faster back and forth, back and forth. His teammates must have felt the difference and started to pass him the puck, one after another. Once he got the puck and escaped the defense. I heard the parents scream: “Skate! Skate! Skate!” He made his way near the net. He shot … [pause] oh, he missed it. I heard the coach say: “Way to go! Tianyao, Keep trying!” Five minutes later, there was another pass. Tianyao got the puck and leaped forward. He was shifting his stick quickly from side to side. I tell you I couldn’t take my eyes off my boy. As he went near the net he smacked the puck ... [long pause] I wish I could tell you that the puck went straight in, but it didn’t. The puck hit the goalie, bounced a bit, then WENT IN! I heard the noise and my heart stopped … The game ended 30 minutes later. Casa Italia actually lost the game. But the red-cheeked boys were not at all disappointed. Back in the dressing room they were giving Tianyao high-five’s. The parents were giving him pats on the back. The coach held THIS puck and walked to him: “Tianyao, what you did tonight was fantastic! I want you to know that we are all very proud of you. Please keep this puck and remember your first goal.” And my boy was standing there smiling from ear to ear. That reminded me of all the early mornings and late nights in two years when I drove him to and from the ice rink. He was that boy sitting quietly at the back seat – knowing what he wants, trying what he can, never feeling bad about himself. I can buy a dozen pucks from Canadian Tire but it’s THIS puck that’s most valuable to him. I must tell you kid’s hockey is the coolest game on earth and a real treat to watch. I certainly learned something from my little boy, that is, if I want something badly enough I will get it. All I need to do is keep trying and be patient, then the time will come.

            (Effective communication is possible) I’m not an optimist. I’m not a pessimist. I’m a possibist. I think it’s possible. Impossible, to me, means I’m possible.

           

            (Trouble with English words) Chinese mix up certain English words: like mushroom and bathroom, kitchen and chicken, cucumber and computer, tomato and potato, soap and soup.

A SMALL INVESTMENT IN THE RIGHT PLACE

How I went from an analyst to manager to senior manager to director in 3 years

(Warm-up) Who went back to China in 2012? 2010? 2008? I went back to China in 2008. I went back to Beijing. The city hosted Summer Olympics! Beijing had changed a lot! Everywhere I went I saw a lot of signs in Chinese and English. When I put Chinese and English together, some of them were very funny. I went to this park … you don’t want to be there … it’s the “Racist Park” (“民族园”). Inside the park there was a fish pond. Beside the fish pond there was a sign: “Please don’t feed fish with your private ... part” (“请不要私自喂鱼”) I went to this jewelry store, expensive jewelry store, very expensive. There were signs everywhere … and they all said the same thing: “Please don’t touch yourself … let us help you.” (“不要自行试戴, 请营业员协助”) I went to this grocery store, there was a sign: “If you want to abuse a plastic bag … you need to pay 2 Yuan.” (“滥用胶袋每个交费２元”) Halfway through the day, I was hungry. I went to this restaurant. It was packed with people. The floor was wet and slippery. There was a sign on the floor: “Please slip … and fall down carefully.” (“小心滑倒”) I sat down. A waitress came to my table: “What would you like to order, Sir?” “Hmmm … how about a chicken with no sex experience” (“童子鸡”) “OK. What would you like to drink, Sir?” “What do you have?” “We have orange juice, lemon juice. We also have strange juice.” (“奇异果”) “I want some strange juice … never had it before.” 5 minutes later, she came back: “Here is your strange juice, Sir. And here is the sucker.” (“吸管”)

(Q&A) You may think this is a little strange but I am gonna start with your questions. You came here with questions, did you not? Questions like

• “Who are you?” “What are you doing here?”
• “What do you do?” “What do you teach?”
• “What can I benefit from this class?”
• “Do I need a huge vocabulary in order to take your lessons?”

Let’s start with your first question.

(Who are you?) Well, I’m you … (you’re sitting there like: what do you mean you are me. Well, let me try this again) I was you … (The guy is talking to his wife: I don’t think he can teach. He doesn’t even know the high school grammar. Well, let me try this one more time) I was like you.

Yeah, I was like you. I came to Canada 10 years ago when I was 35. Now I am … 45 years young. Do me a favor, please, don’t say old. I’m 45 years young. So I came to Canada 10 years ago with an engineering degree. Anyone here got an engineering or science degree, raise your hand please? So I was like you. I worked my first 7 years as an analyst. As you can tell, I am very analytical. I worked 4 jobs, in 8 departments. I moved from job to job, from department to department just to get a little bit more money. I moved around, rather than moved up. It’s not that I didn’t want to move up. It’s that every time I tried to move up I felt as if a chain was holding me back. So I worked my first 7 years as an analyst and I felt my career was going nowhere.

Why is this information important to you? That I worked my first 7 years as an analyst … and then, all of a sudden, I went from an analyst to a manager to a senior manager to a director in 3 years? You notice my career was a flat line between 2002 and 2008 and then I got a big bump every year in 2009, 2010, and 2011. There was once a chain holding me back. But somehow I broke the chain. What’s your next question, Sir?

(What happened?) Would you like to know? It all started with this job. It’s a manager position with Scotiabank and I really, really wanted it. You have to understand this job was almost made for me and it fit me almost perfectly. I wanted this job so badly that I was willing to do anything. But do what? I didn’t really know. I only knew: if I want to be successful this time I can’t continue doing what I’m doing. I need a new strategy.

Then I met a very wise man, Clive Smith. I asked: “Clive, what can I do to make the hiring manager want to hire me?” Instead of answering my question, he asked me a question: “Eric, why do you speak?” Why do I speak? Why do you speak? You say to express yourself? That’s what I said. You say to communicate? That’s what I said. To inform … convince … persuade? That’s what I said. Clive looked at me, with a big smile on his face: “These are all good answers, all wrong, but good answers. They are not wrong. They are just not the no. 1 reason why you speak. The no.1 reason is you speak to satisfy the audience!” … Did you even think about the audience when you speak? No. I’m too busy speaking. Well, do you know the audience is important? Because without the audience there is no need to speak.

Then he went on to explain the difference between left brain and right brain; how people think with their left brain and feel with their right brain; how left brain is closed, cautious, and stubborn and right brain is open, receptive, and emotional. Most importantly, right brain is the “department” that makes the decision.

Here’s a true story. October last year, I went on a day trip with 2 friends to see some fall color. On the way to the North, they started to argue … about religion. You need to know these 2 friends of mine, one of them is Christian and the other one has no religion but – this is an important but – he’s got a PhD majored in religion. What does it mean? It means the second guy knows a lot about something he doesn’t believe. Can you imagine that debate? That was the worst debate I have ever seen in my lifetime. I kid you not, by the time we came back, they were enemies, they stopped talking to each other. I realize people are amazingly stubborn. You can’t tell people what to think and how to feel. Because they want to think and feel for themselves. If I speak to your left brain and try to convince you with facts and statistics, you argue with me in your left brain with your own facts and statistics. So you can’t tell people what to think and how to feel. What you can do, though, is you can cause emotions in people and emotions will make them think and feel the way you want them to think and feel. As I speak to your right brain, you hear me and you see me … the words and gestures, the sounds and images, the vibrations and movements … they touch your 5 senses … hearing, sight, smell, taste, and touch … they touch your 5 senses and create emotions inside of you … and emotions make you want to laugh, cry, dream, hope or give money to strangers.

Then next question is how to read people in 60 seconds? What are you, Eric, a psychic? I realize even if you’re only 2 meters away from me I don’t know you, and I don’t know what you are thinking. I look at you and I wonder: what is going on in that little brain of yours, what are you thinking, what do you need, what do you want, what worries you, and what makes you happy? If I know what you want, then it’s pretty easy, because I know what to say to satisfy you. But if I don’t know what you want, it’s going to be challenging because I don’t know what to say.

The next question is how to read the hiring manager’s mind before you even meet him? That’s impossible! Have you heard of the “6 degrees of separation”? If you go to New York city, you walk on the street, and you rub shoulders with someone from Europe, you know you are only 6 degrees from him, maximum! Did you use LinkedIn to search a name, it tells you you know someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows him.

So back to the job. I realize I must work on the hiring manager’s right brain because that’s the department that makes the hiring decision. And I must find out what he wants from me and say exactly what he wants to hear and satisfy him. But how? First, I need to figure out what kinda person he is: what’s his name … man or woman … short or tall … fat or thin … any children … pets … what’s his credit card no. … and password? I have a friend who works for Scotiabank. I sent her the posting and she found me the name of the hiring manager: Thomas Faust. What kind of last name is Faust? I Googled: German, it’s a German last name. In my imagination, I saw a serious German, 6 feet tall, cranking German sausages. I went on LinkedIn.com, I saw his picture, work history, and education. I talked to someone who worked with him. I felt like I knew him before I even met him. I predicted 7 questions he may ask me and I wrote down 7 stories to satisfy him.

The interview was not a test, it was an emotional ride. We were attracted to each other even if we were both men … and married. I noticed Thomas spoke English with an accent. I was sure he was an immigrant just like me. So I asked: “Thomas, what made you come to Canada?” He said he met this Asian woman (Korean) at university in UK. They got married, spent a couple of years in Italy. Then his wife wanted to immigrate to Canada. They went to Vancouver first, couldn’t find jobs, so they moved to Toronto. They had 2 children: a boy and a girl, 8 and 3. You know my eyes opened real wide like this: “Really? Wow! I also married an Asian woman (Chinese is Asian). I also have 2 children: a boy and a girl, 8 and 3.” Now it’s his turn to open his eyes real wide: “Really? Wow!” In case you wonder when people click and why. It’s when you find something in common, right? You went to UofT? I went to UofT, too. You worked for IBM? I worked for IBM, too. Do you know so-and-so? Yes, I do! Oh my God! The world is so small! I found several things in common between Thomas and me: we both studied Operations Research, we both worked for an European bank before, we both married an Asian woman … not the same one, we both have 2 children, a boy and a girl, 8 and 3. I found small ways to praise him, his team, his department, his organization. I made myself likeable and relevant. I got the job, and I don’t think it’s an accident.

(What do you teach?) What do I teach? I teach small talk and big talk. You’re like: what’s small talk? Well, small talk is useless talk (废话). That’s interesting, why should I learn something that’s useless? Well, it’s useful, too. It’s useful, useless talk (有用的废话).

I used to work for GE in Meadowvale, Mississauga. That’s where GE Canada’s head office is. I remember the interview. It was in winter. Their building had a high level of security. The VP, Bill Edmond, had to come all the way down to the main entrance to sign me in. Then we walked a long distance to the interview room on the second floor. As we walked, I looked around and saw these huge potted plants and flower beds. I said: “Oh, boy. Look at these plants and flowers! They make me feel like spring when it’s cold and gray and gloomy outside.” He said: “Oh yeah! We also have a cafeteria operated by a professional catering company and a gym in the basement that’s open only to employees. A lot of us actually spend half an hour walking the treadmill before we go get lunch.” Guess what I said? I said: “Really? Wow! That’s something I may never get working in downtown. I love this place!”

I could never forget Kevin and the story he told me about his last interview. It was 2-hour long. Both he and the hiring manager were a bit tired. Both felt that he was a strong candidate – he can do the job, no problem! The job was up there for his grab. The hiring manager was cleaning up her desk, she looked through the window and said something like: “Alright. Let’s call it a day and go home. Thank God this long winter is almost over.” Poor Kevin, his mind was all on the job, he felt that he should say something, without thinking, he said: “I don’t think so!” He felt, there was a moment when the oxygen left the room: 完了！完了！Did he get the job? (Shaking head).

Small talk is easy if you’re willing to learn. My secret is to focus on my conversation partner, make him feel important, and let him talk most of the time. Isn’t it easy, let your conversation partner talk most of the time? I was talking to an old lady, I asked her a simple question: “How did you meet your husband?” and I got her talk for an hour, if I don’t stop her.

The trick is to say, “Really? Wow!” Say it! Say it! “Really! Wow!” “You work in sales? 您做销售的？Really? Wow!” “You have 8 children? 您有８个孩子？Really? Wow!” “You wrestled with a cow? 您和一头母牛摔跤？Really? Wow!” The real trick is you have to say it like you mean it. If you are truly interested in people, you can just talk about them. Most people enjoy talking about themselves. So if you ask a question and listen … and say the 2 magic words in every 30 seconds: “Really? Wow!” you can master a conversation. No problem!

(Canadians vs Chinese) Canadians think out loud. What does it mean? They think as they speak or ... sometimes they don’t even think … they just speak. I mean, if you pay attention to what they say, a lot of it doesn’t really make sense, but hey! They all look very confident. Which makes you wonder where is that confidence coming from? What about Chinese people? We think twice (no, three times) before we speak. The problem is … if you think twice, Canadian people already changed the topic (too late!) The real problem is … if you think twice, you’ll never speak, you’ll change your mind, you’ll think the words and sentences you put together are not good enough.

加拿大人能想出声来。什么意思呢？他们边想边说。.有的时候他们甚至想都不想，张嘴便说。如果你留意他们说的话，很多是没有意思的。可是他们看起来都非常有自信，使你禁不住琢磨，他们这份信心到底来自何处？我们中国人强调三思而后言。问题是，待你三思之后，加拿大人已经改换话题， 太迟了！真正的问题是，待你三思之后，你会改变初衷，觉得自己组词造句不够好，从此永远闭上嘴巴。

(Academic vs Natural English) The academic way is you use a textbook: you start with vocabulary and grammar (words and rules). Then you try to put words together to make a sentence before you actually say it. This process may take weeks, months, years … or it may never happen. The natural way is you learn by listening and repeating, the same way you learned to speak Mandarin when you were little: you heard adults talk, you copied them, you picked it up … You know, you just picked it up. Which way is easier? Which way would you prefer? Would you like to pick up English without trying – I mean without consciously trying and thinking about it? You pick up English unconsciously!

学术英语使用教科书：从词汇和语法开始，然后学习用词造句，每次说话之前先造句。这个过程可能需要几个星期，几个月，几年或许永远不会发生。自然英语是你在听和重复中学习。用你小时候学习母语的方法学习英语：你听成人谈话，模仿他们，不知不觉中把英语捡起来。哪种方式更容易？你会选择哪种方式(George Carlin – “Fart Joke”) Question! Did you ever have to fart on a bus, or an airplane, or in some public place? But you hadn’t been farting all that day! So you didn’t really know the nature of the beast (the smell of your gas – what does it smell like? Good or bad)! You only knew there was lots of it! In a situation like that, what you have to do is to release a test fart! You have to arrange to release, quietly and in a carefully controlled manner, about 10-15% of the total fart, in order to determine if those around you can handle it!

(Use words to make a sentence. Use words to make a sentence…… Use words to make a sentence?) Did this ever happen to you? You have an idea (sometimes you think you have better ideas than your Canadian friends) but you just can’t find the right words to say what you want to say. We were taught in school on how to use words to make a sentence. But it’s so hard to do it in a hurry. I mean, you’re in a hurry during a conversation, right? You search your brain, you open your mental drawers and closets, you find a few words, you put them together to make a sentence, you arrange them and re-arrange them, still not sure if it’s any good, (get a reading of wristwatch) but you’re running out of time so you say it anyway, 9 out of 10 people can’t hear you, the only person who can hear you is the one sitting next to you, but he says: “What do you mean?” … You want to kill yourself. Folks, I did what you did – use words to make a sentence – it doesn’t work! It never works! I realized I can’t use words to make a sentence. I said to myself: gee, there’s gotta be a better way to do this! So I stopped making sentences. I started copying my Canadian friends. Because I find same idea, they can always say it better. Why do I have to make my own? I can just copy them. It’s easier that way!

你有过这样的时候吗？你有一个想法（有时你觉得你有比加拿大人更棒的想法），可就是找不到合适的词，表达自己的意思。我们从小学习用词造句，可这在日常生活中太难做到了。英语对话中你有不足一秒的时间准备下一个回合要说的话，一秒钟内你能干什么？你搜索你的大脑，你打开里面的抽屉和壁橱，你找到几个词，用它们造了一个句，编排一遍，重新编排一遍，还是觉得不好。但时间不多了，想想但说无妨，十个人有九个听不清你在说什么，坐你旁边那个是唯一听清你说什么的人，可他回了一句：＂你什么意思？＂你自杀的心都有了！我做过你们做过的事：用词造句－－－ 完全不灵！它永远都不会灵！我意识到我无法用词来造句。我对自己说：这世上肯定有更好的办法！于是我停止用词造句，我开始模仿我加拿大朋友。因为我发现同样的想法，他们总是可以说得更好。我为什么要自己＂造＂呢？完全可以照抄他们，这样不是更容易吗？没过多久我就发现不管我想说什么话，这世上已经有人说过了，我需要做的就是找到那句话。

(I teach you how to find the right words to say what you want to say) Let me break it down for you:

Listen. I find a big part of speaking is listening. So I listen. I listen carefully. It doesn’t take me long to realize whatever it is I want to say, somebody has already said it. All I need to do is … find it.

Collect. When I listen to my Canadian friends, I take mental notes. When I hit my desk, I write them down. Not just words and sentences, I write down the whole stories – stories my Canadian friends use in different situations and for different situations.

Speak. I try the same stories on real people in my real life. I need more opportunities to practice storytelling, so I come to Victoria College. You see I’m not teaching here. I’m only practicing! I want to do this for free but Maria insists she should pay me a lot of money. It’s really embarrassing!

Write this down please: nothing is said that has not been said before! The following are some exmples:

[Whisper when gossiping] She’s a control freak. She micro-manages me. I feel like I’m in her hands. She pushes me and pulls me and never let go of me. I’m like: I’m not your yoyo!

This morning I didn’t hear the alarm go off. When I left my house, I was caught by the rain. The, the train was late. I went in the office at 10 AM and my boss was right there waiting for me … I know, it’s one of those days.

How old is your boy? 13. Oh, he’s turned into one of those … [teenagers]. Life isn’t always beautiful. Life isn’t always sunshine and roses. Sometimes life sucks. And shit happens. [He’s taking notes: s-h-i-t h-a-p-p-e-n-s. You don’t have to take notes. You can only learn so much from this presentation. Come to my class, I’ll show you all the good stuff.]

The scope of the project is too broad. Are you trying to boil the ocean?

I don’t see the benefits in your business case. Show me the money! [Jerry Maguire, 1996, Tom Cruse]. How come the city does nothing about the homeless people living on the street? Because there is no money in that problem.

What do you mean we are volunteers? We are paid salaries. Yeah, salaries can only get our hands to work. We volunteer our hearts. Remember: if this [pointing to heart] is empty, this [pointing to brain] doesn’t matter. [Jerry Maguire, 1996, Tom Cruse].

“Auditors are coming.” “Oh, not again!” You see people immediately think audit is a bad thing. Auditors check my work, they point fingers, air my dirty laundry in public. I was sitting next to my boss. I said: “I think it’s a good thing [Silence. People are looking at me like I’m nuts]. Well, we all have a messy backyard or basement. Sometimes we need a little motivation to clean it up. I thought if you need motivation to clean your house, you can invite your friend over.”

There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance. And Ingrid Bergman is low maintenance [When Harry met Sally, 1989, Bill Crystal] [What kind of language is this? Who said car language? You realize a lot of good analogies come from everyday life].

There are four kinds of employees: low maintenance, low performance; LMHP; HMLP; HMHP. Which one are you? Most people work hard enough not to get fired and get paid enough not to quit the job. It’s not fair. How come the caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the glory.

(What’s your story?) My friend is a very negative person: Gee, the economy is not getting better. I need my job, man. Unemployment rate is 8% high. I’m so worried, man. I’m so scared. I said why? Why are you so scared by a statistic? You need only one job, I repeat, you need only one job. You know for people who can tell a good story, it’s a seller’s market – always has been and always will be. So what’s your story? Do you have any story? Of course you do. They don’t have to be big. They don’t have to life changing. They don’t have to be all inspiring. They can just be simple, little life moments. You know the greatest speakers use the smallest stories to make the biggest points. That’s what we are gonna learn in this workshop.

(How?) Write down everything you have to say and try it on real people in your real life. Write down your script, word for word. I write down my script before I go to a meeting, pick up a phone, or give a presentation.

• I teach you how to write – 1/3
• I teach you how to speak – 1/3
• You write at home, you speak in class – 1/3

把要说的写下来。你是否觉得你生命的每一天都充满戏剧性，每天都不一样呢？多数人每一天所经历的场景十有八九都会重复：起床，吃早餐，和邻居告别，送孩子上学，上班，乘电梯，和同事道早安，接电话，去茶水间泡茶，开会，吃午饭，去茶水间续水，又开会，打电话，下班，和同事告别，接孩子放学，和邻居道晚安。小结一下，你有五十个场景。如果你尝试为每个场景写一个段子，每星期一个。你当然可以抄，我会教你抄。你将段子背熟，在真人身上演练，原本无准备的日常对话，１０％变成有准备的，２０％，３０％，。。。，不到一年的时间你日常对话的大部分将变成有准备的。

This little notebook has saved me:

[Elevator] “Oh my God, I missed my floor.” “Don’t worry! What goes up must come down.”

[Elevator, you ran into your boss] “You know, Lily, you really look nice today. Do you have an interview or what?” (You lower your head, look at your shoes, and answer him lamely) “No ……” “Oh … I’m sorry, Lily. It’s supposed to be a joke. I’m so sorry. I don’t know that you can’t take a joke.”

[Elevator, you ran into your boss] “You know, Lily, you really look nice today. Do you have an interview or what?” “Should I? Do you know anything that I don’t?” (What a nice comeback!)

[Cubicle] “Boss, can I talk to you for a second?” “I’ll give you two seconds.” I felt embarrassed. Why did I ask for only one second? What can I achieve in one second? …… “Ingrid, I know we have a meeting at 10. Can you give me 5 minutes to go downstairs and get a coffee?” “I’ll give you ten.”

[Emergency room at a hospital] My daughter was sick on New Year’s Eve. She had cough, fever, headache, runny nose, sore throat – all symptoms of a serious cold. I thought I had to take her to hospital. The emergency room was packed with patients waiting to be treated. We waited with them: 1 hour, 2 hours, 3 hours … A father and a son had been waiting for 4 hours. The son was sick. The father looked grumpy. The son asked the father: “Dad, how long do we still have to wait?” The father said: “I don’t know, son. That’s why they call us patients.” For a moment I was laughing uncontrollably. I felt immediately relieved. A sense of humor has saved me!

(What do I need?) 600 words, are you kidding me? No I’m not. Every time people ask me do I need a huge vocabulary in order to speak? I say no you don’t. That’s because we follow the comedian way. Did George use a word that sent you to a dictionary? No, a comedian uses extremely simple words and short sentences. A comedian makes a living by making you laugh. A good comedian makes you laugh 7-8 times a minute. If you don’t laugh, they are dead meat. So they can’t afford even the smallest possibility of confusion or misunderstanding. It would be a disaster if it happened. So many people focus on the wrong thing like spending hours and days trying to memorize words. That doesn’t help. Those words are not yours. They are not your friends. Because when you need them, they are not there for you.

But the fear of speech is real. By the show of hands, how many of you enjoy speaking in public. If I ask you to come up here and give a speech, how many of you go: pick me, pick me. 选我！选我！No. Most of you say I’ll do it but I am not gonna enjoy it, right? Most people fall into this category. Most people don’t feel comfortable speaking in public. That’s normal. That’s why you are here.

We come here to lose face. There are 2 ways to save face. One is remain faceless (you don’t even have a face to lose). The other one is lose it first, learn from the experience, and get better. Once you realize this is a safe, supportive, and encouraging environment, you feel comfortable … you loosen up … you get up in front of the audience and speak. All my students start speaking from lesson one, from “laughing at yourself” (Lesson 1) to “enjoying yourself” (Lesson 10). In this room, behind closed doors, I guarantee you no matter how badly you screw up, we still love you. And we show our love through clapping. I guarantee you if you can get up here and say anything at all, we will clap our hands until they hurt. We’re professional clappers.

I can’t stress the importance of acting like … you want to become a manager, you have to act like a manager. You want to become a good speaker, you have to act like a good speaker. You want to become a confident person, you have to act like a confident person. After you act like one long enough you will become one. What’s confidence? Confidence is a feeling. You can’t wait for the feeling to come to you, but you can create the feeling by acting like the one you want to be. You have to fake it ‘til you make it!

("Did you get one?") I want to introduce you to this lady. She came to Canada 10 years ago. Her first job was a commission-based, door-to-door sales job, you know, pushing a little cart loaded with small items such as recipe books, perfumes, and electronic watches. On her first day to work she went out with a white girl who taught her two sentences to engage a stranger in a conversation that may lead to a sale. The first sentence was: “Did you get one?” If you were that stranger how would you respond? Get what? Then the second sentence was: “Let me show you.” Equipped with two sentences, she pushed that little cart, went from Scarborough to Mississauga, from shopping mall to community center. Once she entered a room full of police officers, then did she realize it was a police station. “Did you get one?” “Let me show you.” She said them over and over again – so loud that she could get people off the other side of the street, come to this side, and make a sale. I must tell you before this she couldn’t even ask a bus driver for direction. These two sentences opened her mouth and opened her world. Five years later she became a property manager managing 800 condo units, dealing with complaints, conflicts, different (sometimes difficult) personalities e-v-e-r-y s-i-n-g-l-e d-a-y. Communication skill is absolutely key. I have high respect for this lady and she happened to be Tianyao and Jenny’s mother and my wife Grace. She’s also my first student.

(Get professional help) My cousin is taking a speech course at York University. I said you should come to Victoria college. He said what’s the difference? I said it’s the difference between education and training. He said I don’t get it. What do you mean? I said well, think about the difference between sex education and sex training: which one would you like to send your son to? He said sex education (my son is only 10 years old). And which one would you like to go yourself? He said sex training (whispering) because it’s real. I said that’s why you should come to Victoria Collage because everything we do here is real. We don’t bullshit. One thing I learned in Canada is you do what you are good at and get professional help on things you are not good at: like you go to a mechanic to fix your car; you go to an accountant to do your tax; you visit a salon to cut your hair. Who do you go to to get professional help on communication? Me. Because that’s what I do and that’s what I do best. I’ve taught 50 classes, 500 students. I’ve helped numerous immigrants to make a breakthrough in their career. I’m the best trainer you can find. I’m the best not because I speak English better than anyone else. That simply isn’t true. I’m the best because I was like you. I know your problem! I was once struggling with English communication. I found a way to speak, it changed me and changed my life. If you do what I did 3 years ago, you will be me in 3 years. The thing is speaking is not knowledge. There is no book you can read and “bang” you wake up the next morning and become a better speaker. No. Speaking is a skill. A skill must be practiced. We don’t speak good English because we don’t speak enough English.  And you can’t practice conversation by yourself. You don’t want to practice with your spouse. You have to come to this room because you need me and you need each other. Confucius said: “You hear, you forget … you take notes, you also forget … only if you do, you understand.”

(It’s a problem!) Here’s what my student Vivien wrote to me: How do I get people to respect me and take me seriously? My co-workers talk about a lot of things I don’t understand but I don’t bother to ask. I never participate. I never join their conversations. Guess they got used to it over time. Eventually, even if I was there, they automatically ignored me ...... I feel work is only stress, no fun … I feel I’m an outsider … I feel lonely. My co-worker Vanessa and I were the same age, long hair. People often mistook us for each other. But we didn’t even look alike! At first I thought it was funny. After 6 months, as it happened over and over again, I found it was really annoying. I told myself something is wrong. It’s a problem that people don’t notice me and recognize me.

Isn’t this a problem? It’s a serious problem … and I have a solution for you.

A SMALL INVESTMENT IN THE RIGHT PLACE

I call it: 10 weeks of speaking shamelessly with Eric Liu. 3 Hours x 10 Episodes

1. The Story ………... Make a point, tell a story
2. The Way …….……Write your routine, word for word
3. The Topic ………… I’m Chinese, I’m Canadian
4. Research …….…… Listen, Watch, Read, Analyze
5. Research …….…… Borrow it, use it, internalize it
6. Writing …………… When writing, write freely
7. Editing  …………… Google’s my teacher
8. Speaking …….…… How to carry yourself
9. Speaking …….…… Fake it ‘til make it
10. The Humor ….…… Everybody needs to laugh

(What am I selling?) Some of you say every time you hear Maria speak, you feel like she’s trying to sell you something. Well, she is selling. (Don’t tell her I said that …) I’m selling, too. I mean, we’re all selling. Life is a series of sales situations. What am I selling? Coffee? No! What I’m selling you right here and now is a level of confidence. What I’m selling you is the ability to feel good about yourself. The ability to reach out, speak out, and enjoy the simple life in Canada. What I’m selling you is a lifestyle!